I didn’t write yesterday because I was sick and trying to recover for our date tonight. You said you would make salmon and Alfredo, so I’m excited. You’ve never made it for me before but your cooking has always been delicious.

I’m surprising you with special brownies. No, not the kind that could get you fired – the kind that have crazy amount of protein. The whole batch has 52 grams and I’ll probably just them into nine 1″x1″ squares. I hope you like them. ♥

I’m bringing our workbook and you already have our couple’s version of WNRS. I’m excited to spend some time with you – especially since we’ll be connecting on a deeper level.

I’m struggling to make a decision on what I should wear tonight. I want to be comfortable but pretty.

I settled on my black leather skirt and white, square-neck bodysuit. It was a mistake – but not a horrible one, I’m just uncomfortable. I should have just worn pants. Oh well, next time. I think our next date is axe throwing with Andrea and Nathan. I’m looking forward to my friends getting to know you.

Tonight over dinner – which was delicious as predicted – you let me know you told your work buddies and they were genuinely supportive and wished you the best. I’m happy that the people in our lives are supportive and encouraging.

I’m sitting at your dining room table and you’re reading our workbook. You look so cute in your reading glasses that I had to take a photo. I’ve never been very good at being sneaky around you, so you knew what I was doing. Your smirk when I was done made my heart do a little flip.

I’m really hopeful that we can build safe spaces in each other and a foundation for an intimate, vulnerable, romantic, and respectful partnership. I want something that will last a lifetime with you. I want you to feel safe with me. I want to be my full, authentic self with you.

I know all of this is going to take a lot of work. There were a lot of hurts in our past and I realize now that I’m very fear-driven. I hope therapy can help me identify or pinpoint when and how I started to be this way. I think understanding my past is one of the keys to a better future – one that includes you.

Yesterday I cried. Mara was mad that I shut off the wifi after 8 PM (so my kids would have better sleep habits) and I suggested she write me a persuasive essay explaining why she should get access that late. What she did instead was call me disrespectful, accuse me of treating her like a child, and suggest that I hadn’t changed at all in the past three years and that I was only doing this because you and I were back together.

I asked her if she wanted us to break up – even though I was terrified her answer would be yes. She actually said no, but I couldn’t hold back the tears that had already started falling. I told her the letter was manipulative and that I needed to be alone. She seemed unphased the morning and she never apologized.

The brownies I made you, I wrapped them individually so you can take them to work with you.