You brought the kids home today and I got the sense from your body language that something was off. You explained you were tired because the kids were especially energetic. I asked earlier in the day to see the sketches you told me about and before you left I reminded you that I hadn’t seen them. When you were showing me the photos I noticed your hand shaking and asked if you had eaten. You said no and I grabbed you a protein drink. You were thankful for it.

On top of being worn down and hungry, it has been an especially hot day and I know from experience how uncomfortable it is for you to be in warmer weather. I was grateful you let me hug you for as long as I ddi because I know you had to be uncomfortable – I know you wouldn’t be afraid to speak up if you wanted me to stop.

I’m trying to figure out the difference between acts of service and fawning. Is it just my intention? To love someone versus attempting to placate them? Or does it have something to do with the subconscious? Is it the difference between acting out of care and acting out of fear? And how can I tell if my subconscious mind isn’t acting on my active mind?

I’m excited about the prospect of you moving to Indy. You’d be closer so you could spend more time with the kids. I know they miss you a lot. And I do too, if I’m being honest. What will change about your expectations? What won’t? Would we spend more time together? Would that be a good thing?

Sometimes I feel like I put my foot in my mouth. Why did I tell you about my personal care time? Why couldn’t I have just said ANYTHING non-sexual? And I feel like I do it every time we’re about to part. I know I shouldn’t be anxious about it – because I should trust you to communicate your needs. You are more than capable of speaking up with something bothers you, so until it does, I should put those thoughts away. They are not serving me.