When we were in Georgia you got a speeding ticket. You were going over 80 MPH. I gave up asking you not to speed a long time ago. You found out Sunday that it was going to cost you nearly $800. You let me know you wanted to get it taken care of as quickly as possibly and asked to cancel our date on Friday. I let you know I was disappointed but I understood.

I’ve been feeling lonely more often now that we’re back together. It still feels unread and difficult to process. Maybe some part of me was hoping you’d reject me so I could mourn and move on. Instead you surprised me. And now I’ve dedicated a big chunk of my free time to my mental well-being.

I want to make this work, but if it doesn’t, I want to make sure my next partner has all these skills I’m learning about. So I’ll know at the end of it all that I gave it my best and even if I end up alone at least I will be healed and content with myself.

But I really do hope this all works out. I want to tell you how I feel and I’m still working on overcoming my fears. Does being honest have to be so gut-wrenching? Why can’t this just be easy? It feels like such a small thing: just tell you how I feel!

But then I think you’re too busy or it’ll start a fight or I can’t find the right words or I’m simply dreading whatever negative consequence is sure to come. How do I stop walking on egg shells and take back my courage?

We talked on the phone for a long time tonight. I learned more about why you love animals so much and feel such a sense of responsibility towards them. Hearing you talk about rescuing so many abandoned animals warmed my heart.

You also told me you were finally used to the idea of someone wanting you again. Learning that makes my heart sing.