We barely spoke today. I wasn’t anxious about it. I’m hoping it’s my new meds working. I still have passing thoughts that worry me, but they’re not lingering and stewing.

I hope you are okay. I’m looking forward to seeing you on Sunday. I’m bringing pizza. Hopefully, we can work on our couple’s exercises and finish watching The Addams Family.

I’m looking forward to building a foundation for our life together. These optimistic plans feel so foreign, but I feel an ease in them.

I started my period last night while I was sleeping and forgot to put down a towel. Despite this, my libido woke up when I did. I may have Pavloved myself and associate my bed with orgasms. And it’s odd because I can use my nose and have a fold-you-in-half orgasm but there’s nothing like imagining you’re there to fill me up while I use a toy to do just that. It’s like all the tension melts out of my body and all that’s left is bliss, pleasure. And I’ve tried pleasuring myself without thinking of you but it’s not the same and I never climax.

I hope when the day comes that I feel ready to take that next step, that it’s more mindblowing than ever before because our communication and openness makes our connection that much deeper. I want to feel our souls connected. I want to feel romanced and adored. I want to trust you. And I want you to feel my love for you and know that you’re deserving of the beautiful life we’ll make together. Then I’ll be ready to share all of me. When you feel that I love off of you. When you feel valued and worshipped.

Then I want us to blow each other’s minds. And I want us to recommit ourselves to one another. I want to be your wife again, when we’re ready. And I wish to call you my husband again, when you decide you want to spend the rest of your life by my side.

We have a long road ahead of us and it – the destination – will be worth the journey. You’re such an amazing man and I’m so thankful to be by your side. I hope one day you’ll see me as an amazing woman worthy of your heart.